I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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