do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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