So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
