he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
