I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize