Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
