Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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