every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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