I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
