I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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