he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
