im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
