I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
