I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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