we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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