i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
