Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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