We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
