you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
