the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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