Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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