He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
