Im at strip club and am horny
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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