So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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