I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
