Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
