hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
