I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
