I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
