Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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