I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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