Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad