Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids

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  (909): if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids http://tfl.nu/et14
  Replies (18) Good night (1732) Bad night (4045)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.

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  (985): There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him. http://tfl.nu/jf24
  Replies (48) Good night (839) Bad night (3846)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

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  (616): I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night. http://tfl.nu/m0ls
  Replies (68) Good night (2202) Bad night (4028)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.

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  (763): The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet. http://tfl.nu/fwq9
  Replies (20) Good night (6727) Bad night (1199)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.

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  (630): Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends. http://tfl.nu/htzg
  Replies (4) Good night (1416) Bad night (2982)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY

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  (360): Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY http://tfl.nu/mbk8
  Replies (12) Good night (2064) Bad night (1182)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors

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  (810): i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors http://tfl.nu/jlfm
  Replies (4) Good night (2024) Bad night (967)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day

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  (850): I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day http://tfl.nu/lnlc
  Replies (6) Good night (1307) Bad night (1045)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.

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  (701): They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture. http://tfl.nu/7kma
  Replies (2) Good night (1373) Bad night (548)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...

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  (715): I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to... http://tfl.nu/6wxx
  Replies (8) Good night (656) Bad night (1473)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  They took my balls.

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  (575): They took my balls. http://tfl.nu/tyz5
  Replies (11) Good night (514) Bad night (1107)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.

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  (612): It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab. http://tfl.nu/z2cq
  Replies (0) Good night (341) Bad night (652)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.

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  (412): It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression. http://tfl.nu/o4mu
  Replies (3) Good night (853) Bad night (395)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....

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  (517): My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m.... http://tfl.nu/8r4i
  Replies (2) Good night (936) Bad night (229)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex

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  (302): Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex http://tfl.nu/650g
  Replies (0) Good night (355) Bad night (203)

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