just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
