I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
