I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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