the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
