ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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