awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize