New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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