I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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