Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
