ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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