Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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