so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
