I looked at my own cervix.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
