i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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