i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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