you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't notice because vodka
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
