He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
