I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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