You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
