You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
