If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
