I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
