How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
