you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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