If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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