Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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