I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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