if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
